Hindsight

I am finally happy with myself.

That thought suddenly hit me in the middle of a long conversation at the Sheares lobby with Kaypee. I'm finally okay with myself. It's been a long time before I've said that.

Despite all the crazy events of 2006 and the 2-week dramatic stint of 2007, I'm still happy with who I am and the person I'm starting to become. Ever since I was a little kid, I've always wanted to grow up too fast. Even though people tell me that I've always been mature for my age, I never really felt that that was enough. Somehow, I needed to do more and more "grown-up things" and make "grown-up decisions". Coming to Singapore and living on my own has definitely helped me grow up. And no, growing up is not just about cleaning your own room or doing your own laundry. It's about making your own decisions knowing that there is absolutely no one around to stop you. It's about living with the decisions you make knowing that mom and dad won't be able to bail you out if you make a mistake.

Apart from decision making, growing up is also about forming your own principles. 2006 was a year where I felt that I had absolutely no direction. I remember an assignment in English class at the start of senior year in 2005 when Mrs. V asked us to create our own life road map. I remember drawing an intersection and a girl stumped by so many paths in front of her. Crossroads. My rut went on for the whole year of 2006. I simply just didn't know where to go and what to do with my life. It was ironic because I was the last person people expected to be direction-less. I didn't know which college to go to then, which course to take, let alone what I wanted out of life, period. There were simply too many options in front of me and I just couldn't decide.

I used to be afraid of making mistakes. But after going down a few wrong paths, I finally realized that there is absolutely nothing wrong with making mistakes. As much as it sounds like a cliche, it is true. You need to do things to know what you want and don't want. That line sums up what I learned in 2006. You shouldn't regret mistakes, but you should learn from them.

I appreciate the home, the people and the culture I've left behind more and more the longer I stay here in Singapore. I used to gripe about how conservative the Philippines is, but I now fully appreciate it after living in pseudo-liberal Singapore. A year ago, I was dying to leave Manila and all the things I was displeased about back home. I wanted to go to Singapore and just look forward and forget about the past. Six months of living here made me realize the importance of looking back.

Hindsight. An indicator of growing up, as Ms. Lim says.

And now, I will stop writing about this because this is starting to sound like a high school reflection paper. On to more trivial stuff.

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HALL LIFE

Messing around in Adrian's room. According to Adrian, Hed Kandi and coffee do not go together. He gave me some awesome new house/chill music though. I am sure his girlfriend will not like the fact that 2 girls were in his room. Hahaha. The way we took this pictures was so funny. Adrian was acting like a mad photographer! "A little to the left! Fantastic! Hold it, hold it!" We took like, ten shots or something using the self-timer and all of them turned out butt ugly. P.S. Look at Adrian. That's how someone looks after stressing over his Honours Thesis for Chemical Engineering. This is the first time I saw him after what, 3 weeks of him hibernating in his room?

Ming Feng, Kaypee and I in the Comm Hall for Sheares Supper. I used to think supper was dinner but it means otherwise in Singapore. Supper is equivalent to a midnight snack here. The supper in my hall is the best! The fried rice and the chicken naan are awesome. Plus, they've got Iced Milo with whipped cream. Ultimate calorie-fest. Ming Feng is one of the nicest people ever. My human alarm clock (to wake me up for breakfast every morning --- cause eating breakfast and waking up early increases your metabolism!), my Physics go-to person (Gauss, how I despise you) and Mandarin tutor (pressuring me to order my food in Chinese so doesn't work, you know!)

The view from my room in the 5th floor. I face the courtyard (duh). Sheares is actually pretty to look at at night time. I hardly open my blinds though because I hate the sun streaming into my room (and I so do not like people seeing what I'm doing in my room). But yeah. It really is pretty to look at.

My bed finally faces the door. Thanks to Hian Yi for unscrewing my bed from the headboard. That sounds totally wrong. Hahaha. Winson laughed like crazy over dinner when I told Ming Feng about Hian Yi unscrewing my bed. For the record, unscrewing my bed = using a screwdriver to get rid of the screws that connected the headboard to the mattress frame. There are also two pigs in the headboard. Why? My mom asked my sister to bring them for me because it's gonna be the year of the pig and I need them for luck. Lol. Thanks Mom, it's thoughtful of you :) Hopefully, this year will be a lucky year for me.

My cluttered desk (and Kaypee using my Macbook). See that black paper stuck on the board with Post-its on it? That's a product of Kaypee's thoughfulness (a rare moment -- hahaha kidding babe). She had some hall friends sign it for my birthday. The rest of the photos tacked up are pictures of my favorite folks from home. Bottom left shelf is filled with school stuff. Instant coffee is in one corner to feed my caffeine needs. Speaking of which, I really should stop drinking coffee. I didn't drink coffee today and I wound up napping despite my 12 hour sleep today (oh, the joy of not setting my alarm!). I am seriously experiencing coffee withdrawal symptoms.

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WEEKEND

I spent Friday night bumming in my room. A rare event really. It's been a while since I had a Friday night to myself and for once, I was more than happy to stay in hall and just relax. I wound up doing zero work and opted to chat with Ying Hwee (the girl staying across me). Girl talk is always fun. I helped her and small Chris make sandwiches for the Handball team after and then Kaypee called asking me to meet her downstairs at the lobby. Clarence and Ryan were there, but Clarence's folks picked him up when I got down, so I wound up hanging around the lobby with KP and Ryan til 1 scarfing down Famous Amos cookies and talking about totally random stuff.

I woke up early Saturday morning to judge for the NUS Challenge Shields, the debate competition for secondary school kids. Let me just say that Sec School kids are ADORABLE. They are so cute in their uniforms. The Raffles Institution (RI) boys even had striped green and silver ties and blue blazers with the RI seal that reminded me of Slytherin. The ACS(I) boys had matching ACS ties as well. Some of the boys were such cuties too (pedo instincts hahahaha) -- makes me wish I had a little bro. The Nanyang Girls were ever so adorable in their pristine white uniforms too. I wound up chatting with the Sec 1 girls in the bathroom and I couldn't help but feel...I don't know...jealous of their naivete and youthful glee. I asked them how they found debate and one of them eagerly told me, "Well if we didn't like it, then we wouldn't be here now, would we?" That's the way debating should be. It should be because you love it. Debating at the uni level is just filled with politics that it disheartens you at times.

Jayme and Amira were at NCS so it was great seeing those two and hanging out with them at the coffee shop downstairs after every round made the day more bearable. I wound up leaving the campus around 7:30 PM and then went to Far East to help a friend shop. Went to Cel's birthday party at their flat afterwards and then went home to do the one thing I looked forward to the most: sleep.

I didn't set my alarm and I wound up waking up at 12:30 PM. 12 hours of sleep. I so needed that. I cooked myself some eggs and desperately wished that I bought bread to eat. Who craves for bread? I was too lazy to go out so luckily, Kaypee brought me back some bread on her way home from Church. Napped again later on in the afternoon in the middle of reading my Stats book (like normal distributions and probability is SO cool) and woke up to a text from Ming Feng telling me to go down for hall dinner. Ate a light dinner, then went back to change and then went with Kaypee to Nathan's place to meet up with our "father" in Singapore. We had dim sum in Lau Pa Sat and as usual, had tons of fun talking about our lives and hearing Nathan's advice. It's nice having a father figure of some sort while we're here. Riding in his car is an added bonus.

The weeks are just zooming by like crazy. I can't believe it's February already. Valentine's and Chinese New Year are just around the corner. Midsemester break is in 2 weeks hurrah!