Swirling Thoughts

Kaypee and I started giving themes to the months of 2007. January was the month of chance encounters -- filled with random meetings and fateful introductions that led to the start of better friendships. Heck, I went to KL on a whim 5 hours before departure with some of my Thai friends and exchange students and I wound up having a constant Friday lunch buddy. A conversation over breakfast led to me having a running and now swimming buddy. Breakfast conversations and physics problems led to me having a good friend who becomes my human alarm clock and meal buddy as well.

February is the month of swirling thoughts because the events of the past few weeks have been utterly confusing and messy that you will wind up thinking and thinking and having long heart-to-heart conversations with people. I remember Ms. Lim telling me the process of friendship between a guy and a girl: things are clear at first, then they become murky, and then they clear up again.

Things were clear. Then murky. And now finally they're clear again.

Valentine's Day may not have turned out the way I wanted them to, but I'm still glad that certain events (and non-events!) took place. A year ago, I was sad that I didn't have someone to spend Valentine's with. This year, I'm glad that I chose not to spend it with anyone apart from my good friends. I realized that it would be meaningless to spend Valentine's with someone you didn't care about and with someone you weren't truly madly deeply in love (or in like!) with.

While I was swimming awhile ago, all the thoughts in my head were...swirling (no pun intented). It pissed me off because swimming used to be my Zen activity -- I used to be able to shut out everything and think of nothing and just listen to my breathing and the cool sound of water. I hated hearing all the thoughts in my head screaming, begging to be overanalyzed and pondered upon. Eventually around the 6th lap or so, I finally decided to stop ignoring them and chose to process them. So I did...and I felt so much better after. Sometimes, you just have to be alone with your thoughts and just be OKAY with being alone with them. I finally get that now.

Sometimes, things don't go your way and that's okay. They happen for a reason. I'm not completely devastated that things aren't the way I hoped for them to turn out. If anything, part of me is actually happy -- now I've got a whole new game plan to figure out. Sure, there will still be moments of nostalgia and sadness ... but life is life, and we're supposed to grow and move on.

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On a lighter note, I got some Valentine's gifts from some friends. Itt gave me a heart shaped balloon when we met up for lunch the day before Valentine's Day. Got a paper rose thingy from Hian Yi and Milano cookies from Kaypee!

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CNY coming up soon. I've had 2 pre-CNY celebrations to date. Pictures of the past 2 weeks to come up soon.