Full Circle

So many things I wish to blog about but I couldn't do so in the past few days given that my Macbook is still under repair. I hate how laptop-dependent I am now. It's not that I need to surf the web or go on MSN 24/7 -- it's just that I need to know i CAN do these things and that reassures me. Well I suppose having my Macbook die is a blessing in disguise. It reminds me that books are as good a source of entertainment as watching TV shows is; that talking to a person face-to-face is far better than talking to them over the computer.

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Having finished exams early this semester, I was able to get a few days to bum and go out of hall. Funny how the places I wound up going to were places I went to in Sem 1. Back then, these places were filled with not-so-good memories of Singapore. SMU reminded me of the scholarship I gave up and of the happy, familiar, and comfortable life I could have led. Nathan's condo used to be a haven, a refuge from the loneliness I felt in hall and from being away from home. Changi airport reminded me of the high hopes I had of Singapore, of the idealistic and naive Jen that landed in Singapore back in July. Amaryllis Ville in 20 Newton Road reminded me of a time when 4 sad girls were ranting about life in Singapore. Ten months later, I came back to all these places, chuckled quietly in amusement of the bitter, lonely me that once visited these places and smiled inwardly at the person I've become. If there's one thing I learned this year, it's that one's outlook on life matters a lot.

Today, I moved most of my things out and I couldn't help but feel a huge tinge of sadness. Again, it's funny how I used to hate hall and everything it represented. I know I'm just going home for three months, but I'm gonna miss hanging out in people's rooms till the wee hours of the morning, going for a run around Kent Ridge Park, cooking soup and talking about love and life, Uncle Vincent's suppers, early morning bleary-eyed breakfasts and MSG-filled dinners in the comm hall. I'm definitely gonna miss a lot of people as well most notably Hian yi, Esther, Charles, Qijun, David, Ming feng, Adrian. Some of them are still gonna be in hall next year; some will move out, graduate and head on to the next phase in their lives. It's sad -- sometimes I wish I had more time to get to know some of them but I guess I should be happy for the few months I got to know them.

I remember how I once detested having to go through bridging year but in retrospect, I now appreciate having this one year. Had I not gotten this year, I would have made a lot of wrong decisions and would have had no choice but to live with them. It's not very often that people get second chances...and I'm getting a chance to redo everything and make sure my four years as an undergrad in NUS will go regrets-free. :)
I'm looking forward to going back to Manila -- to a land where I feel safe amidst the constant turmoil of events, to a land that's familiar, comfortable and simply home. I'm looking forward to seeing family and friends who I have not seen for almost five months and sharing with them stories and experiences from Singapore But most of all, I'm looking forward to going back feeling whole and complete. Finally, the Manila Jen and the Singapore Jen has reconciled.