http://spunky-renegade.livejournal.com
:)
Sunday, June 24, 2007
Sunday, June 17, 2007
Then and Now
I was in Fully Booked yesterday with some of the Bfast Club folks and we wound up going to the children's books section while waiting for our rides to go home. I haven't stepped foot in the children's books section of any bookstore in a long loooong time. Out of curiosity, I ventured over to the young adults section to see what the popular series that kids today were reading. While Sweet Valley and Babysitters Club books used to dominate the shelves back when I was younger, Gossip Girl books and A-list (?) and other books of that sort fill the shelves now. Two thoughts popped into my head.
1. Ohmygod am I -that- old?
2. What a shame that they never got to read the series I was hooked on before.
On the first thought: I've been noticing more and more these days how kids today are clearly not in the same generation as me and my other friends. We grew up listening to Spice Girls and the Backstreet Boys; they're growing up listening to Avril Lavigne and Ashlee Simpson. We grew up watching the Power Rangers, Captain Planet, Magic School Bus, Boy Meets World, Ghost Writer, Popular and Charmed; they're growing up watching Totally Spies, Kim Possible, The O.C. and One Tree Hill. I suppose it's just natural and expected. After all, I can't expect time to just stand still. I'm sure my older siblings and cousins thought the same things I'm thinking of now when they reached the point when the generation gap and age difference were too glaring. (I still remember my sisters talking about Ricky Martin back when he was still in the Menudos and my brother talking about Voltez 5 and the Transformers.) I don't have a younger sibling so I don't feel the difference as much but when I do encounter my friends' younger sibs (or hear stories about them), that's when I realize that damn we are getting older.
On the second thought: Books were a huge part of my world when I was younger. Sure, they're still important now but other things have reached the same rank as them now that I'm older. When I was a kid, a trip to the mall would never be complete without going to National Book Store (back when Powerbooks and Page One and Fully Booked were non-existent). I remember buying the latest Sweet Valley and BSC book that was coming out that month. I wound up collecting over a hundred BSC books -- and that's not even counting Super Specials, BSC Mysteries, and BSC Autobiographies. In retrospect, it was somewhat foolish to have bought so many of these books (think of how much my BSC collection is worth monetarily!) when the story line revolves around the same thing and is somewhat trivial but at age 10, these things were far from trivial and the idea of 13-year-old babysitters was just the coolest thing ever. I'm sure a lot of kids today would enjoy reading them the way I did. I'm lucky to have had older sisters who loved reading as much as me so I was able to read some series that weren't even in print anymore at my time like Girl Talk, River Heights, and The Gymnasts. Gossip Girl isn't exactly something I think 10-year-olds should be reading but it's just an indicator of how society is changing and how kids today are growing up faster than they should be. I hear stories about 13-year-olds making out in the pool in Fontana and see some grade seven ICAns wearing clothes of the latest trend and probably seven layers of makeup and it just amazes me really how different things were then and now.
But going back to books -- one thing I was happy about was finding one section devoted entirely to books by Roald Dahl, Judy Blume and Beverly Cleary. In fact, two of my favorite Judy Blume books there were still on sale -Just As Long As We're Together and Deenie. These three are authors whose works I love and would want my kids to read in the future. Hopefully, they'll still be in print by then.
***
Australs is pushing through so I'm flying back to Singapore on June 26 to train with my teammates for a few days before going off to Malaysia for the tournament proper. I'll be coming home on July 14 though so I still have roughly two weeks in Manila to meet up with friends and spend time with my family before going back to Singapore for the semester. As much as I'm happy that Australs is pushing through, I was somewhat bummed that I had to give up the Smart internship. Then again, there'll be plenty of summers to do internships and a free trip with friends and the high a debate tournament offers is always great.
***
There are three get-togethers I had last week that deserve a special mention.
First, I got to meet up with Roxanne (twice!) after not seeing her for almost six months. It was great to reunite with my debate best friend and comforting to know that some things never change. I may not talk to her that often when we're in school, but every time we do get a chance to meet up, it's almost as though we just saw each other the other day and the conversation flows naturally -- no pauses, no awkward silences, just two old friends catching up and laughing like old times. It was also reassuring to talk to someone from Manila who studied abroad who had similar experiences and concerns as me.
I also got to meet up with Ms. Pe and Ms. Lim last week. After a year out of ICA, I don't see them as teachers anymore but as older friends who would always be there for me -- for support, for advice, and for good laughs. It was the first time the three of us girls managed to be out on our own (Fred was always there before haha) and the conversation we had over dinner was the kind that could go on and on. It's rare for me to have this kind of conversation with people and all I can say is, that's the beauty of being on the same wavelength.
Lastly, I got to meet up with the Breakfast Club again. From gossiping with Elle in Ateneo to crashing, pigging out, bonding and camwhoring at Stace's house to playing with the rabbits and catching up at Barbs's house to meeting old friends in Promenade to reminiscing about crazy high school memories and laughing about teachers and old jokes (Think: Arms forward raaaaaiiiise! and Greek Meeeeeth. ResponsiBEL. Bleees. Hahaha) in CPK and Bizu, I am confident that the Breakfast Club will last beyond university life. Mom was right -- your high school friends will be your lifelong true friends. :)
***
Hurrah, I've gotten rid of my writer's block!
1. Ohmygod am I -that- old?
2. What a shame that they never got to read the series I was hooked on before.
On the first thought: I've been noticing more and more these days how kids today are clearly not in the same generation as me and my other friends. We grew up listening to Spice Girls and the Backstreet Boys; they're growing up listening to Avril Lavigne and Ashlee Simpson. We grew up watching the Power Rangers, Captain Planet, Magic School Bus, Boy Meets World, Ghost Writer, Popular and Charmed; they're growing up watching Totally Spies, Kim Possible, The O.C. and One Tree Hill. I suppose it's just natural and expected. After all, I can't expect time to just stand still. I'm sure my older siblings and cousins thought the same things I'm thinking of now when they reached the point when the generation gap and age difference were too glaring. (I still remember my sisters talking about Ricky Martin back when he was still in the Menudos and my brother talking about Voltez 5 and the Transformers.) I don't have a younger sibling so I don't feel the difference as much but when I do encounter my friends' younger sibs (or hear stories about them), that's when I realize that damn we are getting older.
On the second thought: Books were a huge part of my world when I was younger. Sure, they're still important now but other things have reached the same rank as them now that I'm older. When I was a kid, a trip to the mall would never be complete without going to National Book Store (back when Powerbooks and Page One and Fully Booked were non-existent). I remember buying the latest Sweet Valley and BSC book that was coming out that month. I wound up collecting over a hundred BSC books -- and that's not even counting Super Specials, BSC Mysteries, and BSC Autobiographies. In retrospect, it was somewhat foolish to have bought so many of these books (think of how much my BSC collection is worth monetarily!) when the story line revolves around the same thing and is somewhat trivial but at age 10, these things were far from trivial and the idea of 13-year-old babysitters was just the coolest thing ever. I'm sure a lot of kids today would enjoy reading them the way I did. I'm lucky to have had older sisters who loved reading as much as me so I was able to read some series that weren't even in print anymore at my time like Girl Talk, River Heights, and The Gymnasts. Gossip Girl isn't exactly something I think 10-year-olds should be reading but it's just an indicator of how society is changing and how kids today are growing up faster than they should be. I hear stories about 13-year-olds making out in the pool in Fontana and see some grade seven ICAns wearing clothes of the latest trend and probably seven layers of makeup and it just amazes me really how different things were then and now.
But going back to books -- one thing I was happy about was finding one section devoted entirely to books by Roald Dahl, Judy Blume and Beverly Cleary. In fact, two of my favorite Judy Blume books there were still on sale -Just As Long As We're Together and Deenie. These three are authors whose works I love and would want my kids to read in the future. Hopefully, they'll still be in print by then.
***
Australs is pushing through so I'm flying back to Singapore on June 26 to train with my teammates for a few days before going off to Malaysia for the tournament proper. I'll be coming home on July 14 though so I still have roughly two weeks in Manila to meet up with friends and spend time with my family before going back to Singapore for the semester. As much as I'm happy that Australs is pushing through, I was somewhat bummed that I had to give up the Smart internship. Then again, there'll be plenty of summers to do internships and a free trip with friends and the high a debate tournament offers is always great.
***
There are three get-togethers I had last week that deserve a special mention.
First, I got to meet up with Roxanne (twice!) after not seeing her for almost six months. It was great to reunite with my debate best friend and comforting to know that some things never change. I may not talk to her that often when we're in school, but every time we do get a chance to meet up, it's almost as though we just saw each other the other day and the conversation flows naturally -- no pauses, no awkward silences, just two old friends catching up and laughing like old times. It was also reassuring to talk to someone from Manila who studied abroad who had similar experiences and concerns as me.
I also got to meet up with Ms. Pe and Ms. Lim last week. After a year out of ICA, I don't see them as teachers anymore but as older friends who would always be there for me -- for support, for advice, and for good laughs. It was the first time the three of us girls managed to be out on our own (Fred was always there before haha) and the conversation we had over dinner was the kind that could go on and on. It's rare for me to have this kind of conversation with people and all I can say is, that's the beauty of being on the same wavelength.
Lastly, I got to meet up with the Breakfast Club again. From gossiping with Elle in Ateneo to crashing, pigging out, bonding and camwhoring at Stace's house to playing with the rabbits and catching up at Barbs's house to meeting old friends in Promenade to reminiscing about crazy high school memories and laughing about teachers and old jokes (Think: Arms forward raaaaaiiiise! and Greek Meeeeeth. ResponsiBEL. Bleees. Hahaha) in CPK and Bizu, I am confident that the Breakfast Club will last beyond university life. Mom was right -- your high school friends will be your lifelong true friends. :)
***
Hurrah, I've gotten rid of my writer's block!
Saturday, June 2, 2007
When Time Stops
The phrase "catching up" was coined to help friends who haven't seen or talked to each other for a long time get reacquainted. In order to catch up, however, you need to "freeze time" partially because otherwise, how can the process of catching up work?
That's how I've been feeling the past two weeks here in Manila -- as though my time has frozen. My old friends have all got their own lives here and when I do get to meet up with them, time stops and we rewind back to where our lives once intertwined -- to the past: of high school days in ICA, of debate days in IdEA and World Schools, and so on.
While I've never been happier to see familiar old faces, I can't help but feel a tinge of sadness at the idea that our lives currently don't intertwine. I may tell stories from Singapore but then they're filled with unfamiliar, no-face names and soon-to-be-forgotten details. It's not that my friends wouldn't care, but that's just how some stories go. Unless you're in that particular situation or you're acquainted with those people, then you're more likely to forget them. And the same goes for me as well. Much as I'd like to remember the new names and new stories, I'd most likely remember the ones I personally know or am familiar with.
This saddens me because it feels like I'm in limbo once again. Neither friends from home nor friends from Singapore will understand this limbo state (unless friends from home studied overseas as well). Add having dinner and dessert with two sweet couples plus not being in contact with certain people from Singapore plus the late night and you've got yourself a recipe for the feeling of loneliness.
But I refuse to let this feeling override. There's always a silver lining. The glass is half-full. (And all that other psychobabble.) I should make the most of my time here because it will be another five months of separation again when I go back to Singapore. And the fact that this problem exists just means that I've expanded my social circle to include Singapore in it.
And above all, I should be happy that at least I've still got friends here who may not completely understand everything but are willing to try and clearly show that effort. Time allowed itself to stop for a reason. The past filled with silly encounters, never-ending laughs, arduous experiences and colorful moments was strong enough that time is willing to stop in order to let the once intertwined lives of these friends catch up with one another.
That's how I've been feeling the past two weeks here in Manila -- as though my time has frozen. My old friends have all got their own lives here and when I do get to meet up with them, time stops and we rewind back to where our lives once intertwined -- to the past: of high school days in ICA, of debate days in IdEA and World Schools, and so on.
While I've never been happier to see familiar old faces, I can't help but feel a tinge of sadness at the idea that our lives currently don't intertwine. I may tell stories from Singapore but then they're filled with unfamiliar, no-face names and soon-to-be-forgotten details. It's not that my friends wouldn't care, but that's just how some stories go. Unless you're in that particular situation or you're acquainted with those people, then you're more likely to forget them. And the same goes for me as well. Much as I'd like to remember the new names and new stories, I'd most likely remember the ones I personally know or am familiar with.
This saddens me because it feels like I'm in limbo once again. Neither friends from home nor friends from Singapore will understand this limbo state (unless friends from home studied overseas as well). Add having dinner and dessert with two sweet couples plus not being in contact with certain people from Singapore plus the late night and you've got yourself a recipe for the feeling of loneliness.
But I refuse to let this feeling override. There's always a silver lining. The glass is half-full. (And all that other psychobabble.) I should make the most of my time here because it will be another five months of separation again when I go back to Singapore. And the fact that this problem exists just means that I've expanded my social circle to include Singapore in it.
And above all, I should be happy that at least I've still got friends here who may not completely understand everything but are willing to try and clearly show that effort. Time allowed itself to stop for a reason. The past filled with silly encounters, never-ending laughs, arduous experiences and colorful moments was strong enough that time is willing to stop in order to let the once intertwined lives of these friends catch up with one another.
Tuesday, May 22, 2007
Post-exams + Indonesia + last day in Singapore
Life after Exams
It was moving out, going out, eating a lot, then training training training for AUDC.
Destressing after training...by taking pictures.
Check out how many Economist issues are on the table.
The day before we left for Indonesia, I finally got to catch up with my two favorite gals, Kaypee and Esther. I'm so gonna miss this wonderful girl. Can't believe you won't be in hall anymore next year dear. Who am I gonna make soup with and talk to randomly in the middle of the night?
Kaypee, Me, Esther in Food Republic in Wisma
Then it was off to Indonesia! After a loooong delay at the Jakarta airport (cause we had to wait for SMU grrr) and a damn long 5 hour bus ride to Bandung, we made it to our hotel. Thank goodness it wasn't as bad as we imagined it to be.
The view from our balcony: overlooking the pool!
The bedroom Sarah, Kaypee and I shared
Cultural Night/Opening Night
The boys in the suiiiiiite
NUS Debate Team
Saqib in the seedy internet cafe (where "high speed" means 10 minutes for the Yahoo logo to pop up and where you slowly die of secondhand smoke)
Taking public transpo
NUS A and NUS C while waiting for the buses for the octo-finals
Celebrating that NUS B got into semis!
At the Thai restaurant
Before Closing Ceremony
This looks like a family portrait.
With some of my favorite Ateneans
Vishal, Mark and Alex are runners-up in the Finals.
One tipsy and sketchy drinking session, one long stuffy bus ride and one plane ride later and we're back in Singapore.
I met up with Chars after unpacking at NYDC. I miss this girl so much :) It was so nice to be able to catch up with her after a year of not seeing each other.
The next day, I meet up with some of my faves from hall.
Lunch with Hianyi at TCC.
I convince him to get a free manicure with me at the Sony booth :D
At the MRT station with Charles and Adrian.
And finally...
On the car ride to Changi. Thanks hianyi for dropping me off at the airport.
Caught the sunrise.
A long queue at check-in, goodbyes, immigration then a mad rush to catch the plane.
Hello...goodbye.
It was moving out, going out, eating a lot, then training training training for AUDC.
Destressing after training...by taking pictures.
Check out how many Economist issues are on the table.
The day before we left for Indonesia, I finally got to catch up with my two favorite gals, Kaypee and Esther. I'm so gonna miss this wonderful girl. Can't believe you won't be in hall anymore next year dear. Who am I gonna make soup with and talk to randomly in the middle of the night?
Kaypee, Me, Esther in Food Republic in Wisma
Then it was off to Indonesia! After a loooong delay at the Jakarta airport (cause we had to wait for SMU grrr) and a damn long 5 hour bus ride to Bandung, we made it to our hotel. Thank goodness it wasn't as bad as we imagined it to be.
The view from our balcony: overlooking the pool!
The bedroom Sarah, Kaypee and I shared
Cultural Night/Opening Night
The boys in the suiiiiiite
NUS Debate Team
Saqib in the seedy internet cafe (where "high speed" means 10 minutes for the Yahoo logo to pop up and where you slowly die of secondhand smoke)
Taking public transpo
NUS A and NUS C while waiting for the buses for the octo-finals
Celebrating that NUS B got into semis!
At the Thai restaurant
Before Closing Ceremony
This looks like a family portrait.
With some of my favorite Ateneans
Vishal, Mark and Alex are runners-up in the Finals.
One tipsy and sketchy drinking session, one long stuffy bus ride and one plane ride later and we're back in Singapore.
I met up with Chars after unpacking at NYDC. I miss this girl so much :) It was so nice to be able to catch up with her after a year of not seeing each other.
The next day, I meet up with some of my faves from hall.
Lunch with Hianyi at TCC.
I convince him to get a free manicure with me at the Sony booth :D
At the MRT station with Charles and Adrian.
And finally...
On the car ride to Changi. Thanks hianyi for dropping me off at the airport.
Caught the sunrise.
A long queue at check-in, goodbyes, immigration then a mad rush to catch the plane.
Hello...goodbye.
Wednesday, May 2, 2007
Full Circle
So many things I wish to blog about but I couldn't do so in the past few days given that my Macbook is still under repair. I hate how laptop-dependent I am now. It's not that I need to surf the web or go on MSN 24/7 -- it's just that I need to know i CAN do these things and that reassures me. Well I suppose having my Macbook die is a blessing in disguise. It reminds me that books are as good a source of entertainment as watching TV shows is; that talking to a person face-to-face is far better than talking to them over the computer.
***
Having finished exams early this semester, I was able to get a few days to bum and go out of hall. Funny how the places I wound up going to were places I went to in Sem 1. Back then, these places were filled with not-so-good memories of Singapore. SMU reminded me of the scholarship I gave up and of the happy, familiar, and comfortable life I could have led. Nathan's condo used to be a haven, a refuge from the loneliness I felt in hall and from being away from home. Changi airport reminded me of the high hopes I had of Singapore, of the idealistic and naive Jen that landed in Singapore back in July. Amaryllis Ville in 20 Newton Road reminded me of a time when 4 sad girls were ranting about life in Singapore. Ten months later, I came back to all these places, chuckled quietly in amusement of the bitter, lonely me that once visited these places and smiled inwardly at the person I've become. If there's one thing I learned this year, it's that one's outlook on life matters a lot.
Today, I moved most of my things out and I couldn't help but feel a huge tinge of sadness. Again, it's funny how I used to hate hall and everything it represented. I know I'm just going home for three months, but I'm gonna miss hanging out in people's rooms till the wee hours of the morning, going for a run around Kent Ridge Park, cooking soup and talking about love and life, Uncle Vincent's suppers, early morning bleary-eyed breakfasts and MSG-filled dinners in the comm hall. I'm definitely gonna miss a lot of people as well most notably Hian yi, Esther, Charles, Qijun, David, Ming feng, Adrian. Some of them are still gonna be in hall next year; some will move out, graduate and head on to the next phase in their lives. It's sad -- sometimes I wish I had more time to get to know some of them but I guess I should be happy for the few months I got to know them.
I remember how I once detested having to go through bridging year but in retrospect, I now appreciate having this one year. Had I not gotten this year, I would have made a lot of wrong decisions and would have had no choice but to live with them. It's not very often that people get second chances...and I'm getting a chance to redo everything and make sure my four years as an undergrad in NUS will go regrets-free. :)
I'm looking forward to going back to Manila -- to a land where I feel safe amidst the constant turmoil of events, to a land that's familiar, comfortable and simply home. I'm looking forward to seeing family and friends who I have not seen for almost five months and sharing with them stories and experiences from Singapore But most of all, I'm looking forward to going back feeling whole and complete. Finally, the Manila Jen and the Singapore Jen has reconciled.
***
Having finished exams early this semester, I was able to get a few days to bum and go out of hall. Funny how the places I wound up going to were places I went to in Sem 1. Back then, these places were filled with not-so-good memories of Singapore. SMU reminded me of the scholarship I gave up and of the happy, familiar, and comfortable life I could have led. Nathan's condo used to be a haven, a refuge from the loneliness I felt in hall and from being away from home. Changi airport reminded me of the high hopes I had of Singapore, of the idealistic and naive Jen that landed in Singapore back in July. Amaryllis Ville in 20 Newton Road reminded me of a time when 4 sad girls were ranting about life in Singapore. Ten months later, I came back to all these places, chuckled quietly in amusement of the bitter, lonely me that once visited these places and smiled inwardly at the person I've become. If there's one thing I learned this year, it's that one's outlook on life matters a lot.
Today, I moved most of my things out and I couldn't help but feel a huge tinge of sadness. Again, it's funny how I used to hate hall and everything it represented. I know I'm just going home for three months, but I'm gonna miss hanging out in people's rooms till the wee hours of the morning, going for a run around Kent Ridge Park, cooking soup and talking about love and life, Uncle Vincent's suppers, early morning bleary-eyed breakfasts and MSG-filled dinners in the comm hall. I'm definitely gonna miss a lot of people as well most notably Hian yi, Esther, Charles, Qijun, David, Ming feng, Adrian. Some of them are still gonna be in hall next year; some will move out, graduate and head on to the next phase in their lives. It's sad -- sometimes I wish I had more time to get to know some of them but I guess I should be happy for the few months I got to know them.
I remember how I once detested having to go through bridging year but in retrospect, I now appreciate having this one year. Had I not gotten this year, I would have made a lot of wrong decisions and would have had no choice but to live with them. It's not very often that people get second chances...and I'm getting a chance to redo everything and make sure my four years as an undergrad in NUS will go regrets-free. :)
I'm looking forward to going back to Manila -- to a land where I feel safe amidst the constant turmoil of events, to a land that's familiar, comfortable and simply home. I'm looking forward to seeing family and friends who I have not seen for almost five months and sharing with them stories and experiences from Singapore But most of all, I'm looking forward to going back feeling whole and complete. Finally, the Manila Jen and the Singapore Jen has reconciled.
Thursday, April 26, 2007
frustrated.
It's an urge to bang your head on the wall, a never-ending insomnia that makes you toss and turn and forbids you to sleep peacefully, a constant need to listen to tear-jerking sad songs, and a losing battle against self-control. It's a dam of emotions that's on the brink of bursting.
Help somebody? :(
Help somebody? :(
Friday, April 20, 2007
focus
"Do not waver, come what may / Save indulgence for another day."
-- excerpt from "Quandary", by my dearest friend Anne Lagamayo :)
I'm gonna keep running this line in my head. That means stop thinking about useless nonsense and just think matrix algebra, physics and econometrics. 7 more days and I'm free (at least until the clutches of debate take me).
Things always have a way of turning out okay. Just keep that in mind and you shall be fine. A flurry of inspirational quotes suddenly rushed into my head but it is 8:30 am and I must now take a bath before I go and lock myself up and study the whole day.
I miss home. :( I can't wait to start bumming.
-- excerpt from "Quandary", by my dearest friend Anne Lagamayo :)
I'm gonna keep running this line in my head. That means stop thinking about useless nonsense and just think matrix algebra, physics and econometrics. 7 more days and I'm free (at least until the clutches of debate take me).
Things always have a way of turning out okay. Just keep that in mind and you shall be fine. A flurry of inspirational quotes suddenly rushed into my head but it is 8:30 am and I must now take a bath before I go and lock myself up and study the whole day.
I miss home. :( I can't wait to start bumming.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
